Reaching out for our humanity
by UknowUwishUwereBella
Summary: It's time for Bella to be changed but something goes wrong as soon as Edward bites Bella. All of the cullens have to fight to find their human selves again READREADREAD!
1. Chapter 1

Ok- This is my first story on FanFiction. Anyway- Read and Review please.

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DISCOVERING EDWARD 

EPOV

I looked down to Bella, and couldn't fight back my emotions this time. I let her drop gently onto the ground; and tried to keep myself in check. Holding the bridge of my nose between my forefinger and thumb, I paced around the room.

I knew that this was going to happen today; and I had spent months preparing for it. So why wasn't I ready then? "Edward", I heard her voice whisper, "Are you okay".

My hands started shaking and my anger surprised me. I wasn't angry at her, but angry none the less. "Isabella", I said her name slowly- letting the sweet sound of it roll of my tongue, "I will never be okay about this". Hurt crossed her fragile face. How could she not understand that I just couldn't take her should away from her?

Bella was so full of life. Always smiling, blushing, laughing. I couldn't stand that fact that she was willing to give all of that away for me. I took a few un-needed breathes to calm myself, and went to pick up Bella again- even more afraid to damage her. She said that she doesn't always want to be Lois lane; but she has been superman. She saved me from myself.

I walked upstairs slowly, for once not wanting to see the huge bed that waited in my room. Bella surprised me when she suddenly spoke up. "Edward, I know you don't like the idea of this. But why can't you understand that I want to spend forever with you. You always say how you were damned to this life, but I would love to live your life if I was living it with you. Think about it, an eternity together. We've made it this far Edward, I know you can do this". She pleaded for me to understand her.

Six other forms were around me now, waiting for the upcoming event. I growled lowly in my chest. They were all anticipating it, they all wanted the same thing that she wanted; with the exception of Rosalie. I layed Bella gently on the bed, and brought my razor sharp teeth close to the thin skin of her neck. "I love you", I managed to whisper before letting myself bite her.

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APOV 

None of us were prepared for what happened next, not even me. As soon as Edward's teeth came into contact with Bella's skin he was thrown onto the ground, pulling Bella with him. They started to scream in unison, and I held onto Jasper even tighter. Was it possible for Edward to be this empathetic, to feel so much pain.

I looked frantically from Carlisle to Esme. Shock was written across their faces, giving away that they had never seen something like this before. "Carlisle", I called over the screaming, "What's happening?"

He looked at me with apologetic eyes. "I don't know!" I tried to stay calm, but with no avail. Even Jasper could barely help. Emmet and Rosalie just stared at the scene in front of them, not believing what was happening.

It was strange the way Edward and Bella seemed to be moving at the exact same time. Twisting, jerking, and screaming in unison- like they really were one person. If I could cry, tears would be streaming down my face. I wanted to try and snap Edward out of this, but something in the back of my mind told me not to.

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EPOV 

As soon as Bella's blood came into contact with my skin I felt myself being thrown back wards. I also felt something else; something I hadn't felt in almost one hundred years- physical pain.

I was worse than I last remembered. Hundreds of knives were stabbing through my body, and ice spread through my veins. Even worse than the transformation I had undergone less than a century ago.

My body jerked, and I was faintly aware of a scream that sounded remarkably like my voice; though it came from a thousand miles away. In fact, everything was sounding far away- as if I was being pulled out of the world.

Everything was white for miles around. A mirror was in front of me, and my reflection startled me. My bronze hair was the same, untidy as ever; but then rest of my was different. My pale skin had color to it, actual color. The shape of my face had changed, and wasn't inhumanely beautiful. Most startling were the bright green eyes that stared back at me. It took me a while to figure out what I was staring at...

My old, human self.

My reflected hand touched the mirror, even though I hadn't moved my hand. The fingers motioned me to come closer, and I reached out to touch the mirror. The glass disappeared under my fingers, and my surroundings changed. The reflection of myself looked to wards me, and whispered something that I barely heard. "It's up to you now". There were so many questions that I had for myself, but he was gone in the blink of an eye.

I looked up to try and figure out where I was- Chicago. I was back in the days of my human memories. Not much was familiar, but a few things stood out to me.

There was a swing set in a park nearby. The seat was empty, and looked as if it had been for a long time. I quickly grabbed my right arm, the memory coming back to me. I was swinging, trying to go as high as I could. But I lost my grip, and went flying in the air. I remembered landing hard on my arm, feeling the bone break beneath my weight.

I kept walking down the sidewalk, things coming into my mind. I saw Andrew's house, one of my old friends. He has the best backyard for playing in, and we were always getting in trouble together. How could I sudently remember all of this?

My pace quickened as I walked, I kept wanting to see more and more. There was something though that made me stop dead in my tracks. The old, tall hospital stood waiting in the distance. Memories came back, but they weren't so pleasant this time. Screams of dying patients, doctors running frantically around, the look on my mothers face as she found out I was sick.

I forced myself to go through the doors, letting the screams fill my head. I wasn't hearing voices this time though. The empty beds were rusting and dusty, not have been in use for quite some time. I found the room where Andrew died, and where my mother died. Last of all, I visited the place where I almost died.

Now I could remember the feel of cold hands as they stole me away from the hospital. The piercing teeth on my neck, and the fire that spread through my veins. As I thought about this more, I made myself pull back. I wanted to hold onto the last bit of humanity.

This time I did hear the scream escape my lips. I could feel the memories slipping away, and I reached out for them. Finding the memories would mean finding myself, and finding my human self again.

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Review Review Review!!!!!!!!!! And then I'll update faster!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. Chapter 2

Okay- here is your second update. Thank you to all of my reviewers. Veamos si podríamos conseguir algunos más este vez¡O entonces puede ser que grite, que conducirá a una actualización lenta!

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EPOV 

The memories that I had lost for almost a century were now trying to slip away from me. I tried as hard as I could to pull them back, thinking about all of them. Swing, House, Hospital, and all of the ones I had acquired.

Bella was the first feeling of humanity that I had felt in a long time- because I was so in tune with her. Now it outraged me even more to see her giving it up so easily. Sure; the speed, strength, and enhanced abilities seemed nice. But it wasn't all that it seemed to be. Having to hunt all of the time, and feeling like a monster when there's a certain smell you can't resist. And how nighttime becomes so predictable that you wished it would go away, instead of welcoming it at the end of each day.

But I couldn't allow myself to think about my life as a vampire, it only drove the memories farther away. What had happened on the swing? I fell! I fell, I reminded myself. Would the internal conflict I was having ever go away, or would I be lost in Chicago forever?

I needed more memories though. My hands and feet had a flushed look to them, but were still too pale to be human. I walked along to streets, waiting to remember things. I stopped when I came to an old torn-down building. It hadn't always been that way, it used to be a great place to hang out. I had a group of friends when I was about ten; James, Andrew, Hazel, and Samuel. Hazel had to sneak out to be with us; her mother never approved of her hanging our with boys. But she never had strong feelings for any of us at the time, so we didn't consider it a problem. Besides, she was tougher than any girl I had known back then.

Anyway, one day when it was freezing cold Samuel thought it would have been nice to start a fire. All of us agreed happily; not wanting to stay cold yet not wanting to go home. We got a small blaze going, which soon got out of hand. There was a pile of dry wood we gathered, but it also caught fire. The flames tore angrily at the building, and we rushed to get out. When we all gathered outside, our total was only four; someone was missing. Where was the little girl with braids that we were so accustomed to seeing?

Samuel was the closest to Hazel out of all of us, so he ran inside to find her. He ran through the smoke, and we could hear him calling out her name frantically. A few seconds later he emerged with a limp looking Hazel in his strong arms. We all helped him get her to the hospital where she was treated for smoke inhalation. A few days later she was back to her normal self, though she was a lot closer the Samuel. I can't recall if they got married, or if they died in the Influenza.

I came to the place where the turn-off for my house was, and started walking down the small path. The flora had overgrown here, and made the journey more difficult. I noticed that my run wasn't quite as fast as it had been before.

The house was still in fairly good condition, but it looked ghostly and empty. The paint on the front door was chipping, and the chimney had come tumbling down. I walked through the front door, wanting to see everything. The door frame where my mother recorded my height, the stair banister where I had carved my name; Edward Anthony Mason. There was the kitchen, where my mother loved to stay. And my father's study, where I had rarely been allowed in. All of his books were still lined up on the back wall, his old mahogany desk still standing proud. I riffled through the drawers of the desk, looking at the documents. My certificate of birth, along with his and my mothers, certificates, and old photos. My favorite one being of all three of us.

I went through my parents room, afraid to touch anything else for fear that I would damage it. My mother's jewelry, her old quilt. Even my fathers business suit that I had seen him wear so often so long ago. I saved my room for last.

The bed was the same, with the familiar blue quilt my mother had made on it. There was my dresser, and the old mirror my mother insisted hat I have. My reflection startled me. The angles in my face had become less defined, but not quite back to normal yet. My eyes had taken on an odd color; somewhere between green and topaz, and my skin was a pale peach color. I raised my hand to make sure that this time the reflection really was me, and it was.

So what was I? Half vampire and half human; and which one would I end up being. And what about Bella? Was something happening to her too, or was she going to become a vampire. It was impossible to know which one. By now I was totally un-aware of the pain that I had been going through, but every once in a while I would hear far away screams. Always at the same time too. Was it my imagination, or was there another voice that had joined Bella's and mine? It sounded very soprano, almost like...

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APOV 

Something horrible was happening, but what? I tired to focus on it, but no visions came to my head. I doubted that it involved wear wolves, so why couldn't I see it? Jasper held tightly onto my hand, silently reassuring me. Carlisle paced back and forth, frustrated that he couldn't seem to find out what was going on.

"Alice, did you see anything?" He asked hopefully. I shook my head no, and he sighed. "Jasper, how about you, can you feel anything?"

"Just pain", he said quietly. I hadn't thought about how this must be affecting him. I stood on my toes to kiss him quickly, wanting to take away his pain. Esme looked as if she was about to cry, even though we all knew she couldn't. Emmett and Rosalie looked confused.

"Carlisle, don't you think that you could try to break them apart", Esme asked.

He looked at her, his eyes apologetic. "I don't know what that may do to them, it could make things worse."

I hated to see everybody like this. Edward and Bella could be in serious trouble right now, and none of us knew what to do about it. The screaming had died down some, but they were still shaking a lot. We all just stood in that room, waiting for something to happen.

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Okay- there is your chapter. Ill try to make the next one longer. review please! 


	3. Chapter 3

This chappy isn't going to be super long- but the next one should be. I forgot to put disclaimers- so sorry! Anyway- thanks to everybody who reviewed!!!!!!!! Which is just one person!!!!!! tear...

DISCLAIMER- I own nothing at all!!!!!!! tear

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APOV 

I stared intently at them, still waiting. Every time one of them made a move we were ready to jump towards them, hoping that their never-ending trance was broken. And yet each time, they would go back to whimpering and jerking, and we would return to where we were with looks of disapointment on faces.

"Carlisle, how much longer could this possibly go on?" Rosalie asked with concern lacing her voice. I could see why she asked this. Sure, it had only been a few hours, but it felt like a few centuries.

"I don't know", he whispered softly. This was killing him- not being able to help them out of this. Esme looked as if she was about to cry, even though we all knew she couldn't. And it was beside me why I couldn't see what their future was.

The only thing I could feel was the urge to walk to them; like a magnetic force was pulling me closer. I held tightly on to Jasper, willing the feeling to go away. The feeling didn't subside, but another feeling came to me.

I could feel my face go blank as a vision came to my mind. It was Edward and Bella, just sitting happily together; but something was different. They were older, both of them. Edward's inhumanely beautiful featured were mostly gone, and his eyes had taken on an odd green color. Almost as if he was...

I snapped back out of the vision, knowing what was happening to them. I wanted to tell Carlisle and Esme, but something in my head told me not to. Jasper looked down at me curiously, and I almost cried. I knew what I would have to do, even though it may involve leaving him. I just hoped that they would see what was happening, and try to join me. I couldn't resist the force any longer, and walked up to them.

"I love you", I whispered softly to my family, and grabbed Bella's hand in mine. A shock when through me, sending me onto the floor. And with that, came the pain.

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JPOV 

Alice walked towards Edward and Bella with a sad look in her eyes. I could feel at least thirty emotions coming off of her, the strongest of all being love. I was just about to ask what she was doing, when her pale hand jerked out to grab Bella's. A high-pitched scream filled the room, and she was thrown backwards. I tried to go foward to grab her, but Emmett and Carlisle held me down.

"You can't Jasper, she's already a part of whatever this is!", Carlisle screamed to me. And it was true. Her body was now jerking the way Edward and Bella's had, and her screams pierced through the otherwise silent air.

Not wanting to listen to them, and tried my hardest to get free. Just like the time when I had been ready to attack Bella, but now I was struggling to save them all. I tried to keep my emotions in check, not wanting to affect everybody else, but it was impossible. The room was full of tear-less sobs, of the feeling of loss. It had all become too much for Rosalie and Esme, and they held onto one another, afraid to look up towards the horrible screams.

"Alice", I whispered softly at first, until I was screaming out, "Alice! Alice! Where are you?"

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Okay- could we please get some more reviews this time. I was listening to the song "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls while writing this, you should all listen to it too! It Rocks! Next Chapter will be up soon! 


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